Worthy As Twenty Whores
by Van Donovan
Summary: Mal, Jayne and chocolate. Implied MalJayne slash.


**Title**: Worthy as Twenty Whores:  
(10 January 2006)  
--

"What's this?" Mal asked as Jayne thrust the small, unadorned cardboard box at him.

Jayne shrugged a little, like it was nothing. 'Jus' a presenty thing."

Mal arched an eyebrow. "This for me?" he questioned and shook it slightly. It rattled in a strange way, like there were clumps of mud inside. Mal held it away from his ear then, a little untrusting.

Jayne seemed put off by the display and by Mal's reluctance of it. 'Well, ain't it your birthday?"

Mal guffawed for a moment before he brought his eyes up to Jayne's. "_Liu xie xiong mao_ -- Jayne, did you get me a birthday present?"

Jayne actually looked a little unsettled. "Well, yeah. So what?"

Mal laughed more. He studied the box closer now. "Just a first, is all," he noted and inspected the bottom of the box carefully. "It ain't rigged t'explode when I open it, is it?"

"It ain't," Jayne retorted rather gruffly. "Y'don't want it then don't open it but quit shakin' it like that; you'll break it."

Mal arched an eyebrow. "It's a breakable thing, is it?" he noted and rattled the box just a little more, trying to decide what the hell a fellow like Jayne would have gotten for his captain that was breakable yet sounded like mud. "Expensive?" he inquired.

Jayne shifted, his eyes refusing to alight on Mal's face. "Could be," he muttered. "Got it at discount though. Don't like y' _that _much."

Mal broke into a grin. "Well, Jayne, I think I might just die of shock." He appraised the box one more time and then cautiously opened it. Inside he found ten little chocolate balls sitting in dainty paper cups. They'd probably initially been neatly arranged but Mal's jostling of the box had caused them to roll and disorganize.

There was a moment of silence while Mal stared at them and while Jayne stared at Mal, judging his reaction. "They's chocolates," Jayne supplied. "Th'genuine article."

At first Mal had nothing to say to this. Then he looked up at Jayne, his eyes questioning. "You bought me _chocolates_, Jayne?"

Jayne drew a sour expression. "Hell, if y'don't like 'em I'll take 'em back," he grumbled and stepped closer as though to rip the box out of Mal's hands.

Mal stepped away and shielded the box protectively with his body. "Now, I didn't say that," he noted. He looked back to the box and then to Jayne. "Just, traditionally," he explained, "chocolates is the sort of thing y'give the ladyfolk y'want t'woo."

Jayne scoffed. "I pay them whores well enough. One of 'em chocolate balls'd be half the price o'what they make. They ain't worth that."

Both of Mal's eyebrows rose at that. "So, you're sayin'," he noted, looking down at his chocolates, "that I'm worth twenty whores?"

Jayne's fierceness faded and for a moment he looked just like an overgrown boy, at a loss for words. "Well," he noted slowly, "was thinkin' we could maybe share 'em."

Mal's expression softened a little. "So I'm worth ten whores?" he adjusted.

Jayne gave him a small grin. "Hell, Mal, you're worth loads more'n'any whore," he responded. "I didn't buy 'em t'compare y't'my whores."

"No," Mal agreed. "You bought them so you could give me ten chocolates and eat five of them for yourself."

Jayne put a hand against the wall and sort of leaned in towards Mal. "Well, if you're invitin' me to, then all right."

Mal laughed at Jayne's forwardness. "You're an intolerable _hun dan_, y'know that?" he replied.

Jayne gave him one of his best smiles, which was a cross between completely charming and utterly unsettlingly lecherous. "That ain't a no."

Mal appraised him for several moments, his eyes running up and down Jayne's frame for several seconds. Then he looked back down at his chocolates. He shrugged. "Thirty percent," he haggled.

Jayne's grin widened. "Forty," he countered.

"Forty my ass," Mal replied. "Who do you think you are?" He picked one of the chocolates out of the box and inspected it closer. "Thirty."

"Thirty-five."

Mal stared at him. "Thirty-_five_?" he questioned. He looked at the nine still in the box and then at the one he was holding up. "Ain't gonna work like that," he observed.

Jayne leaned forward effortlessly and his mouth found the chocolate in Mal's fingers. He bit it easily in half, his lips brushing against Mal's fingertips as he did. He straightened back up, chewing thoughtfully. "'ow's that?"

Mal, however, was just staring at his fingers. For a few seconds he couldn't think properly and then he blinked and brought his gaze back up to Jayne. His expression was eager. "Thirty-five it is, then," he noted and turned, hurrying away from Jayne.

"Hey, where y'goin'?" Jayne called after him.

Mal turned back and gave him a nod that implied Jayne was being stupid for not following. "My _bunk_," he called. "We ain't gonna do this in gorram galley!" He resumed his course.

"Hell, yeah," Jayne replied and pulled his pants up a little as he pushed off the wall and followed Mal eagerly back towards the crew quarters.


End file.
